Why are people’s reproductive choices or family situations considered open game for small talk? As a fertility doctor, patients talk to me about this all the time. While they are struggling to complete their family with fertility treatments they are bombarded with questions from family, friends, and even strangers about their reproductive plans and choices. As a woman, I have been asked inappropriate questions from well-meaning strangers (assume best intentions), but enough already!
Just in case you can’t figure this out on your own or you know someone who just doesn’t get it – here are 5 things you should never say to someone else as small talk:
5. “That biological clock is ticking – better get started having kids.”
Believe me – women know this and do not need to be reminded. Women are blasted from every social media site, TV, movies, and more about aging, egg quality and egg freezing parties. Women know what their choices are and do not need a lecture from you at a party.
Instead of asking about someone’s reproductive choices and decisions at a party – ask them more interesting questions like: “Where are you from?” “Any upcoming travel plans?” or “What was the last book you read?” Learn more about the person you’re talking to and what interests them – not about their reproductive situation since it is a painful topic for many.
Lora Shahine, MD
Dr. Lora Shahine, joined Pacific NW Fertility after completing her fellowship in Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility at Stanford University. During her time at Stanford, Dr. Shahine served as a Clinical Instructor in the department of Obstetrics and Gynecology, contributed several research publications in women’s health and infertility, and trained in one of the few Centers for Recurrent Pregnancy Loss in the United States.
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